my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
