FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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