Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
