is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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