Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
