I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
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The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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