No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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