Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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