Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
