i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
