it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
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Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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