he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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