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• (925): View more from California

  I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.

  (916): View more from California

  You're drunk. Make complete sentences.

  (925): View more from California

  It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  "Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.

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• (254): View more from Texas

  There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.

  (512): View more from Texas

  That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  thank you pre-med degree.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...

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• (442): View more from California

  Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.

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