just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
