By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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