I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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