new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
