I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I cockslap morals
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
