that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
third nipple confirmed
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize