My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
