Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
