I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
