pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
