he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
