she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
