I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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