You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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