This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
