Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
