She is in my trunk
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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