Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize