i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
