There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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