this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
