I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
