Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
