I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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