come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
