I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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