i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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