Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
