just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
last night I used snow as a chaser
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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