I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize