I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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