I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
