I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
