i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
