he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
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His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
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The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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