I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
