he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize