Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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