i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
