Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
