I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
