I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
