no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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