Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
