i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize
