All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
