Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
how does that bad decision feel?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
