OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
