I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
