dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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