if only i could text you this smell
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
