My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
