If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
